October 11, 2013
High Waist Control Boxer Brief
This picture makes me so very very sad.

High Waist Control Boxer Brief

This picture makes me so very very sad.

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Large Super Skate Sail
There’s so much potential for grievous bodily harm with this product that it probably deserves to be in the “Worst” category, but f-ing look at it!  This is such a fantastically ridiculous and dangerous product that I can’t possibly say anything bad about it. 5 stars!!!

Large Super Skate Sail

There’s so much potential for grievous bodily harm with this product that it probably deserves to be in the “Worst” category, but f-ing look at it!  This is such a fantastically ridiculous and dangerous product that I can’t possibly say anything bad about it. 5 stars!!!

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October 9, 2013
Cha-Cha Carmen Rhinestone Top
OH GOD MAKE IT STOP MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!!!  For only sixty dollars, you can own a shirt that looks like the fevered dream of an LSD tripping Mickey Rourke.

Cha-Cha Carmen Rhinestone Top


OH GOD MAKE IT STOP MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!!!  
For only sixty dollars, you can own a shirt that looks like the fevered dream of an LSD tripping Mickey Rourke.

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October 8, 2013
The Torso Toner
So simple in concept, so horrifying in execution.  How is it possible that a product can so single-handedly dispose of a man’s masculinity and dignity?  Look at the poor model’s “kill me” eyes in this photo.  After this photo shoot I guarantee you he gave up modeling entirely, and pursued a more dignified career as a floor cleaner at a peep show club.

The Torso Toner

So simple in concept, so horrifying in execution.  How is it possible that a product can so single-handedly dispose of a man’s masculinity and dignity?  Look at the poor model’s “kill me” eyes in this photo.  After this photo shoot I guarantee you he gave up modeling entirely, and pursued a more dignified career as a floor cleaner at a peep show club.

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October 7, 2013
NFL Wine Shoe Holder
For the foot fetishist sports fan who has absolutely no taste.  How did someone even begin to pitch this product in the first place?  I get that people like to display nice bottles of wine, and I can even accept that they are so sports obsessed that everything they own is themed around their favorite football team.  I guess where I start to experience a disconnect with the product inventor is the choice of a rhinestone studded four inch high heel as the medium.  Then again, I’m not really into toes.

NFL Wine Shoe Holder

For the foot fetishist sports fan who has absolutely no taste.  
How did someone even begin to pitch this product in the first place?  I get that people like to display nice bottles of wine, and I can even accept that they are so sports obsessed that everything they own is themed around their favorite football team.  I guess where I start to experience a disconnect with the product inventor is the choice of a rhinestone studded four inch high heel as the medium.  Then again, I’m not really into toes.

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October 6, 2013

Back in the saddle again…

Hey loyal followers!  So I’ve been off the grid for a while (a common occurrence on this blog), but I have 5 (yes five!) new entries this week.  So enjoy them… or not…  really I don’t give a rip, it’s not like I get paid for this.

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January 31, 2013
Orbitwheels
Why do I feel like Skymall is constantly trying to revolutionize the way we travel, and has thus far failed miserably?

Orbitwheels

Why do I feel like Skymall is constantly trying to revolutionize the way we travel, and has thus far failed miserably?

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January 30, 2013
Dog Dung Vacuum
For when scooping poop is “too much work” (that’s the product description, not my words), this product “eliminates the need to bend over and scoop it up by hand”.  By all rights, I should hate this thing.  Using technology to reduce any physical effort on our part is yet another reason for the growing  obesity epidemic in this country.  That being said… Yay Science!  You can now buy a literal CRAP VACUUM!  A POOP CHUTE!  A SHIT SHOVELLER! 

Dog Dung Vacuum

For when scooping poop is “too much work” (that’s the product description, not my words), this product “eliminates the need to bend over and scoop it up by hand”.  By all rights, I should hate this thing.  Using technology to reduce any physical effort on our part is yet another reason for the growing  obesity epidemic in this country.  That being said… Yay Science!  You can now buy a literal CRAP VACUUM!  A POOP CHUTE!  A SHIT SHOVELLER! 

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January 29, 2013
The Human Slingshot
It’s official, Skymall is trying to kill us.

The Human Slingshot

It’s official, Skymall is trying to kill us.

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December 14, 2012
All Star Guitar
$149.95 for a fake guitar that you can plug your iPad into.  I play the guitar (poorly), and would love an easier way to do it, but I can’t imagine pulling this bad boy out at a party without expecting heaping amounts of ridicule.  There is no way you could ever use this product outside of your own bedroom.  Trying to pass this off as a legitimate instrument would be the equivalent of playing “Guitar Hero” and claiming that since you clicked buttons along with the game, you can now play “Stairway to Heaven”.  A selling point in the description is that it can “easily play thousands of songs”.  So can an mp3 player, and you can buy a cheap one for $10.00.  There, I just saved you $140.00.  Don’t say this blog never did anything for you.

All Star Guitar

$149.95 for a fake guitar that you can plug your iPad into.  I play the guitar (poorly), and would love an easier way to do it, but I can’t imagine pulling this bad boy out at a party without expecting heaping amounts of ridicule.  There is no way you could ever use this product outside of your own bedroom.  
Trying to pass this off as a legitimate instrument would be the equivalent of playing “Guitar Hero” and claiming that since you clicked buttons along with the game, you can now play “Stairway to Heaven”.  
A selling point in the description is that it can “easily play thousands of songs”.  So can an mp3 player, and you can buy a cheap one for $10.00.  There, I just saved you $140.00.  Don’t say this blog never did anything for you.

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