January 31, 2013
Orbitwheels Why do I feel like Skymall is constantly trying to revolutionize the way we travel, and has thus far failed miserably?

Orbitwheels

Why do I feel like Skymall is constantly trying to revolutionize the way we travel, and has thus far failed miserably?

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January 30, 2013
Dog Dung Vacuum For when scooping poop is “too much work” (that’s the product description, not my words), this product “eliminates the need to bend over and scoop it up by hand”.  By all rights, I should hate this thing.  Using technology to reduce any physical effort on our part is yet another reason for the growing  obesity epidemic in this country.  That being said… Yay Science!  You can now buy a literal CRAP VACUUM!  A POOP CHUTE!  A SHIT SHOVELLER! 

Dog Dung Vacuum

For when scooping poop is “too much work” (that’s the product description, not my words), this product “eliminates the need to bend over and scoop it up by hand”.  By all rights, I should hate this thing.  Using technology to reduce any physical effort on our part is yet another reason for the growing  obesity epidemic in this country.  That being said… Yay Science!  You can now buy a literal CRAP VACUUM!  A POOP CHUTE!  A SHIT SHOVELLER! 

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January 29, 2013
The Human Slingshot It’s official, Skymall is trying to kill us.

The Human Slingshot

It’s official, Skymall is trying to kill us.

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December 14, 2012
All Star Guitar $149.95 for a fake guitar that you can plug your iPad into.  I play the guitar (poorly), and would love an easier way to do it, but I can’t imagine pulling this bad boy out at a party without expecting heaping amounts of ridicule.  There is no way you could ever use this product outside of your own bedroom.  Trying to pass this off as a legitimate instrument would be the equivalent of playing “Guitar Hero” and claiming that since you clicked buttons along with the game, you can now play “Stairway to Heaven”.  A selling point in the description is that it can “easily play thousands of songs”.  So can an mp3 player, and you can buy a cheap one for $10.00.  There, I just saved you $140.00.  Don’t say this blog never did anything for you.

All Star Guitar

$149.95 for a fake guitar that you can plug your iPad into.  I play the guitar (poorly), and would love an easier way to do it, but I can’t imagine pulling this bad boy out at a party without expecting heaping amounts of ridicule.  There is no way you could ever use this product outside of your own bedroom.  
Trying to pass this off as a legitimate instrument would be the equivalent of playing “Guitar Hero” and claiming that since you clicked buttons along with the game, you can now play “Stairway to Heaven”.  
A selling point in the description is that it can “easily play thousands of songs”.  So can an mp3 player, and you can buy a cheap one for $10.00.  There, I just saved you $140.00.  Don’t say this blog never did anything for you.

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December 13, 2012

iPhone Cufflinks and Fully Functional USB Cufflinks

It’s a special twofer today!  Two completely inane products in one entry.  Granted, they are both cufflinks, and both garner the same “place face in hand and slowly shake head back and forth” reaction (I believe the hip internet kids call it facepalming?), but there is one obvious difference.  
The iPhone cufflinks are stupid.  The USB cufflinks are stupid, but an argument can be made that it appeals to aspiring spy in all of us since it stores up to 2GB of data for only $100.00.  Wait…  $100 for 2GB of storage?  Oh Skymall, you’re like the used car dealer of online shopping.

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December 12, 2012
Solowheel Ridiculous looking?  Yes.  Fills a completely nonexistent demand?  Definitely.  Horribly overpriced at nearly $1800.00?  You betcha.  Completely awesome?  Absolutely!  I have the balance of a drunken baby, so I’m sure I’d be horrible at this, but based on videos online this looks like an absolute hoot!One thing to note…   Unless her green hair dye creates some kind of magical barrier around her head, I’m guessing it would be unwise to ride this without a helmet.  Is it just me or does it seem like there are a number of products on Skymall that would keep a personal injury lawyer very busy?

Solowheel

Ridiculous looking?  Yes.  Fills a completely nonexistent demand?  Definitely.  Horribly overpriced at nearly $1800.00?  You betcha.  Completely awesome?  Absolutely!  
I have the balance of a drunken baby, so I’m sure I’d be horrible at this, but based on videos online this looks like an absolute hoot!
One thing to note…   Unless her green hair dye creates some kind of magical barrier around her head, I’m guessing it would be unwise to ride this without a helmet.  
Is it just me or does it seem like there are a number of products on Skymall that would keep a personal injury lawyer very busy?

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December 11, 2012
Hiccural Hiccup StickHonestly, without testing this, I have no idea whether or not this works (therefore negating my ability to determine if this falls in the “best” or “worst” category).  The instructions state that you should “insert it horizontally into your mouth and bite down while drinking a cup of water.”  There is also an instructional video that explains this process, but refrains from showing anyone actually drinking water while holding this in their mouth.  Out of curiosity I threw a chopstick in my mouth and attempted to drink water.  Damn near choked to death.  After my admittedly non-scientific attempt, it is my belief that this product works…  Not because of anything special to the stick, but because almost waterboarding yourself scares the hiccups away.  Also, I recommend watching the very infomercial like instruction video.  It’s hysterical.  Highlights include a kid trying to drink water while standing on his head, and a mother and daughter discussing hiccups like they are the plague. I’d give you a link to it, but what am I, your mother?

Hiccural Hiccup Stick

Honestly, without testing this, I have no idea whether or not this works (therefore negating my ability to determine if this falls in the “best” or “worst” category).  The instructions state that you should “insert it horizontally into your mouth and bite down while drinking a cup of water.”  There is also an instructional video that explains this process, but refrains from showing anyone actually drinking water while holding this in their mouth.  Out of curiosity I threw a chopstick in my mouth and attempted to drink water.  Damn near choked to death.  After my admittedly non-scientific attempt, it is my belief that this product works…  Not because of anything special to the stick, but because almost waterboarding yourself scares the hiccups away.  Also, I recommend watching the very infomercial like instruction video.  It’s hysterical.  Highlights include a kid trying to drink water while standing on his head, and a mother and daughter discussing hiccups like they are the plague. I’d give you a link to it, but what am I, your mother?

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December 10, 2012

The Upright Sleeper

No words can do this product justice.  I have included all three pictures that are available on Skymall, since they seem to just get better and better.  Don’t get me wrong, there are occasions where I find myself sleeping upright (for example, church…), but isn’t sleeping upright more of an impromptu thing rather than a planned event?  By its very nature this looks extremely difficult to put on, and isn’t particularly compact.  I like how the lady in the third photo is wearing a decorative scarf (ascot? dickey?) in order to conceal her Upright Sleeper.  I’m wondering if she first awkwardly pulled this monstrosity over her head, then delicately placed the scarf so as not to draw attention to it.  

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December 7, 2012
Zipline Rider Set This product practically screams potential lawsuit.  It’s self assemble, and amongst other things the package includes, “75 feet of steel cable, u-clamps, and a steel trolley.”Remember lawn darts?  They don’t sell those anymore because of the potential safety hazard involved.  This however?  Perfectly fine!The best part is the picture doesn’t even attempt to make it look safe.  The tree looks like it could fall over at any minute, and the kid is standing on a rickety old ladder.  Thank God he/she (really hard to tell) is wearing a helmet, but then again, I’m guessing that’s standard head wear for the child of any parent who would put this up.

Zipline Rider Set

This product practically screams potential lawsuit.  It’s self assemble, and amongst other things the package includes, “75 feet of steel cable, u-clamps, and a steel trolley.”
Remember lawn darts?  They don’t sell those anymore because of the potential safety hazard involved.  This however?  Perfectly fine!
The best part is the picture doesn’t even attempt to make it look safe.  The tree looks like it could fall over at any minute, and the kid is standing on a rickety old ladder.  Thank God he/she (really hard to tell) is wearing a helmet, but then again, I’m guessing that’s standard head wear for the child of any parent who would put this up.

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December 6, 2012
The Dog Spa Gift Box According to the description, the box includes, “exquisite essences and fragrances along with superior ingredients designed to condition your pets coat.”  They’ve also added “a warm dog terry-blend robe” and describe it as “the fluffy robe your pet will wear with pride as it puts a smile on your face.”  There are also “after-treatment treats”, and finally, “a beautiful Mediterranean-inspired ceramic bowl.”    My dog ate a dryer sheet the other day, and would have eaten his own poop if I hadn’t scooped it quickly enough.  I doubt he would wear the terry-blend robe with pride.  Maybe because he’s not very prideful, but mostly because HE’S A FREAKING DOG!

The Dog Spa Gift Box

According to the description, the box includes, “exquisite essences and fragrances along with superior ingredients designed to condition your pets coat.”  They’ve also added “a warm dog terry-blend robe” and describe it as “the fluffy robe your pet will wear with pride as it puts a smile on your face.”  There are also “after-treatment treats”, and finally, “a beautiful Mediterranean-inspired ceramic bowl.”    My dog ate a dryer sheet the other day, and would have eaten his own poop if I hadn’t scooped it quickly enough.  I doubt he would wear the terry-blend robe with pride.  Maybe because he’s not very prideful, but mostly because HE’S A FREAKING DOG!

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